It’s Time To Tell Someone What Hurts.
Five years ago, Josh was standing on a bridge, texting his brother a good-bye message. He had been severely depressed for months.
He jumped.
But he didn’t die.
Despite breaking six ribs and puncturing a lung, he woke up in the water and instinctively swam to the shore.
Emergency services had been called by his brother and were on hand to take him to safety.
Today, Josh is doing much better. But he wonders what would have happened if he’d reached out for help earlier, before his depression worsened. “I basically never talked about my emotions with anybody; I felt like I wanted to figure things out on my own,” he says. “It was only when I was obviously really sick and ill that I reached out, because I couldn’t pretend anymore.”
(He now works for HeadsUpGuys, a website based out of the University of British Columbia that focuses on men and mental illness).
Talking About Our Emotions.
Let’s face it people love talking about themselves until it gets to those murky areas where even they themselves fear to roam.
And it is in those areas where salvation lies.
But we humans have an innate ability to close and padlock the door on the very aspects of ourselves which would bring the greatest liberation.
Whilst I can see the benefits of the many self-help tools and techniques promoted throughout the personal growth industry the collective of two human beings coming together to unearth the bowels of resistance is the apogee of our human connection.
For me whether as a mentor or a mentee I have witnessed no better method of exorcising the demons within, than by talking on deeper and deeper levels with a trusted Guide.
Where do you find your Guide ?
A friend of mine who is a nurse spent some time working in Sri Lanka — there was much friendly banter between the British and Sri Lankan nurses.
One of the popular jokes the Sri Lankan nurses referred to was how much younger they looked in comparison to their British counterparts — they took great delight in squashing up their faces and showing how many wrinkles they saw in their colleagues from the West.
In broken English one Sri Lankan explained that she and her compatriots “held nothing on the inside” and kept all ills,stresses and doubts “outside of them” and so looked younger.
My British friend knew then that she must find a conduit through which to rid herself of memories and patterns which she knew were still tormenting her.
Her goal was to no longer “hold issues on the inside”.
And when she had the thought then she reached out to a teacher she had known about but not yet approached.
“When the Seeker is ready,the Master appears”.
And so — simply Seek — just do it — it works.
I have just finished reading Russell Brands “Mentors — how to help and be helped” wherein he chronicles the varied mentors to whom he has been able to release his inner turmoil.
Being able to talk without holding back and to be asked the hard questions have really helped Russell Brand know himself to a deeper level and therefore be aware of his destructive patterns.
His mentors have ranged from addiction specialists,to religious avatars to martial arts instructors.
Your trusted Guide is out there and probably closer to you than you might imagine.
Talking is so simple and yet so hard.
The block with many of us is that:
We don’t wish to be martyrs.
We don’t wish to be moaning minnies constantly complaining about our lot.
We have long practised the face of stoicism — valour in the face of adversity.
The words “I’m fine” spill off the tongue so naturally when inside we are beaten and weary.
Isn’t Life all about doing it on our own — facing the challenge and overcoming it ?
And then there is the Fear — the fear of revealing the Real You — the monster under the bed that we know is there but we don’t want anyone else to know about — that’s the No-Go area which has to be breached and truly with the right mentor it can be reached and Zapped !
We have to talk but more so, we have to talk in a way that cleanses our soul.
We have to recognise our own denials and justification and get real with what is causing our pain.
We have to reveal the Truth — not that we’ve consciously been lying — simply we’ve stopped short of delving deep enough to actually reach salvation.
Like sneaking a donut whilst on a diet or doing 6 reps instead of 8 on our gym workout this “cheat” isn’t worthy of flagellation or self-hatred it’s simply being human — being afraid and stopping short of full commitment.
We know we are mostly Good but these molehills of bad feelings towards others especially spouses,children or parents are hard to confront.
A male client of mine had a massive breakthrough of late when he was able to express how much he hated the effect his mother had on him and how much he blamed his mother for much of his blocks and limitations.
His internal fight was between him wanting to be a kind,loving,generous son and yet knowing that his mother had actually parented him in an abusive way — blaming him,judging him as never being good enough,constantly telling him how he should have done things better and never showing him the pure unconditional love any child wishes for.
For most of his life he had internalised these thoughts — pushing them further down into the bowels of his being and so hurting himself in the process.
Like Ridley Scott’s “Alien” the unease gestates deep within- too hurtful to write down,say out loud or God forbid express to another person.
And yet that is what must happen.
“Not talking about mental illness is killing people. We need that to stop”. Mauro Ranallo.
A terrible and shocking incident occurred in my high school years where a classmate was bludgeoned to death by her brother with a hammer.
She had gone home sick one day only to find her brother at home when he should have been at work.He blurted out that he had lost his job and had been unable to tell his parents,his sister or indeed anyone else and so, had been leaving for work every morning as before, and then when he knew the house to be empty, returning home for the day until it was time to leave again and continue the charade.
What must his unexpressed guilt,shame and self-loathing have been like ?
With his sister’s discovery he saw only one way out and ended her life.
If any of us needed an extreme example of needing to talk then this story proves the point.
We have to talk.
We have to talk to people who truly listen.
We have to talk to people who will encourage and even compel us to dredge up the inner confines of our soul.
We have to ask questions of ourselves and then ask the question behind the question.
We need to allow ourselves to become vulnerable — (vulnerability is actually empowering).
